Pharaoh’s son

I once had a pastor tell me, 
"I know your problem; 
You lack courage,"
though it was clear he misunderstood.  

I was setting out on a journey  
into an unknown desert,  
leaving behind all of the things 
that fed my false selves 
the influence,  
the accolades,  
the security,  
the easy community,  
the utterly familiar. 

I walked away from the promise 
of being Pharaoh's son 
because I could not do otherwise.  
I ventured into the desert 
of darkness 
of uncertainty 
of loneliness 
of suffering 
of death 
because the only way to find myself 
was to lose myself.