Ten Years

On social media, people have been sharing photos of themselves in 2009 and 2019. On Twitter, Rachel Joy Welcher shared her pictures and a capsule of significant events. I felt compelled to write mine down.

We began the process to adopt
an Ethiopian girl
with Down’s syndrome.
It turns out she didn’t have it.

My wife was diagnosed with
and treated for breast cancer
in the midst of the adoption.
She had chemo the day Tessa came home.

We began the process to adopt
two beautiful Haitian children.
Eight years and ten thousand tears later,
it officially became a failed adoption.

I betrayed my friends,
more than once
and so betrayed myself
more than once.

I nearly lost my oldest daughter,
and so nearly lost myself.

I became a pastor.
I tried to be who I am not.
I had a nervous breakdown.
I became an ex-pastor.

I wrote.
I painted.
I published.
I began to create.

I got a tattoo, then another and
another and another and another.
Peace and freedom.
Goodness, truth, beauty, and strength.
Identity and love.  

I have been experiencing
a radical shift in my understanding of God
and of myself.
And I began again,
the process of coming back to God,
and to myself.